Japanese "Jam" Anniewan (Anyone)?

Years ago, when I was working in a firm before joining seminary, I was entertaining a client from one of those countries in Eastern Europe (can’t remember exactly which country). Apparently the country the client was from did not have any Japanese restaurants there. A friend owned a Japanese restaurant, and my colleagues and I decided to bring this client to the Japanese restaurant to initiate him (the client was a guy) into Japanese cuisine.

At the restaurant, the client was looking through the menu, and feeling peckish, he asked whether there was some bread, since he saw what appeared to be some “delicious” looking “jam” at the side of the table. I looked at my friend, the restaurant owner, he looked at me, we shrugged and my friend said to me: “Bread? Japanese cuisine where got bread wan?” I told my friend: “Aiyah! Just look for some and give it to him lah”, not knowing initially why on earth he would want some bread for starters, especially in a Japanese restaurant.

The client took the bread, and to our horror, he used a spoon, rubbed some green “jam” onto the bread, and before we could stop him or warn him, he stuffed the bread into his mouth faster than a speeding bullet. Seconds later, a popular song from the Platters, began to unfold in front of us, as smoke got into his eyes 👀 ears 👂 and mouth 👄 and copious amounts of cooling liquid was consumed by the client, in an attempt to extinguish the “flames” 🔥.

Needless to say, not much could be done on that day, as the client needed to excuse himself and rush back to his hotel room to recuperate. Fortunately for us, he was quite a good sport, since he had mistakenly assumed that the green "jam" was harmless and could be relished with delight, only to discover the excruciating truth otherwise. My colleagues and I managed to secure a good contract with the client, and he became known as "wasabi king", having done where few have dared to venture.

Tom Yum on a Train Anniewan (Anyone)?

Many moons ago, my classmates and I took a train from KL to Bangkok for our retreat. When the train reached Padang Besar, which is the border of Peninsular Malaysia and Thailand, the engine and buffet coach were exchanged with their Thai counterpart.

After entering Thailand, my classmates and I decided to go look see (colloquial term for "have a look at") the buffet coach. There, we saw a couple from Suriname 🇸🇷 (a country at the north of South America) looking through the menu. The couple wanted to order tom yum and said to the waiter that they wanted to try tom yum, since the dish seemed foreign to them and they perhaps felt a little adventurous.

The waiter, a Thai, was not so good with English, and asked the couple: “You want tom yum 1... 2... 3... 4... or 5?” The couple thought 1 means lousy and 5 means very good, so they said 5, since they thought they would be getting the best and finest quality. When the tom yum arrived, it was super red, boiling and bubbling red in the pot, and there appeared to be volcanic eruptions. The tom yum seemed to have been transformed into a fiery angry dragon, full of brimstone and other nasty flame-like qualities ready to barbecue the taste-buds of anyone foolhardy enough to attempt a taste.

The couple offered my classmates the tom yum, seeing how scarily potent and vile it looked 👀. Naturally, my classmates politely said no and ordered their own meals instead. Otherwise, if they had attempted to savour such a dish, they would for sure "lau sai" ("keberakan yang tak terhingga", or "cirit birit", or a massive case of defecation in mass quantities, or acute diarrhoea) all the way to Bangkok. 🤔🤭😬 Having to run to the toilet to empty one's bowels every now on then, especially on a bumpy and moving train, would certainly be quite a preventable miserable experience.