做个有公德心的好教友

我相信每个人都会照顾自己的财物。当然我们不会滥用自己的东西，也不可能把东西弄坏。然而， 在我们之中，有多少人会照顾公共设备或确定这些设备的清洁和不损坏？更有些自私自利旳人，只管自己能够用而不管他人的方便! 就是东西损坏或不能操作时，他们都是不理不睬，视若无睹。

举个例子来说就是公厕。有些没公德心的分子竟然把一些多余的卫生纸，卫生巾或是其他硬物扔进粪盆里，结果就堵塞了通道而再不能冲走任何杂物，使到整个厕所臭气熏天。有一些分子如厕后不冲水而一走了之，余下又脏又臭粪便。试问谁敢再用那么脏的厕所？

假如一个教友染上如此要不得的坏习惯，我会很怀疑他在灵修上的造诣和他与天主的关系？其实保持洁净就是灵修上的圣洁和特点。就如我们时常听到这句话：纯洁者是圣洁的良伴。假如一个教友不能照顾自己的整洁， 那他将如何在灵修上跨前一步？

让我们每个教友都能尽一点责任，培养公德心，好好的应用公共场所里的一切设备。此外更要教导孩子们对公共设备的照顾，培养他们的公德心。万一见到公共设备损坏了，尽可能通知有关方面，希望他们能尽早解决问题，不要视若无睹。当然我们不能在公厕装上闭路电视，以免被控侵犯隐私；但是我们可以同心合力，多加留意，尽量避免破坏分子再得逞。

给家长的情书 – 信德篇

致亲爱的家长及将成为家长的你··

请记得你是你孩子的父母，因此你不仅要在孩子成长的过程中全责教育他们一切世俗的事， 更重要的是信仰的课题。很多时候你必须用双倍努力及牺牲时间和你的孩子一起分享圣言。 当我们和孩子一起分享圣言时就是最好的机会让孩子看到我们如何爱天主好让孩子效法我们。

为了可以解开你日后会面对的痛苦和烦恼，请容许我先给你一些启示， 让你能够采取适当的措施和预防来避免它们发生在你的身上， 毕竟预防胜于治疗。

每过一段时间， 我都会进行基信团家庭拜访和到其他场合里。当我拜访一些家庭时， 发现年长夫妇或单亲家长有时会被独自留在家中。我会问他们的孩子去了哪里？ 往往他们会骄傲的告诉我他们孩子的成就及拥有高尚的地位或收入，他们的孩子住在国外、外地或住在不同的高尚住宅区。

我问他们孩子有回来探望他们吗？ 他们回答说有些孩子会一个月回来探望一次， 有些有长假才回来， 有些一年一次，有些不常回来等等； 最常听到的借口是孩子们生活非常忙碌，没有任何空闲时间做其他事(福建语, “Boh Eng” 或忙碌，没有闲暇时间)。 有些年长夫妇会向我抱怨他们的孩子不再学习自己的信仰，或没有到教堂参加弥撒，或更可悲的是已经遗弃了自己的信仰及信从别的信仰尤其是通过婚姻。

我微笑地对他们说你们曾经供给或强迫孩子进行一些自己认为需要或可能需要的活动以便能让孩子将来的生活变得更好(如补习、运动、音乐), 你们的孩子为了精通这些活动花了很多的时间。可是，你和你的孩子用了多少时间去分享圣言认识天主及参与主日弥撒呢？他们常常说他们没有时间和家人一起祈祷或一起分享圣言或参与教会一切活动。 补习班、钢琴、游泳、舞蹈班及其他世俗的活动往往比任何事更重要， 有些家长很怕输(Kiasu), 他们甚至能够把2至3岁很年幼的孩子送去上语文课程、音乐课程或一些脑开发课程，他们希望他们的孩子能够比别人更快学习，超越别的孩子， 因此，关乎信仰的活动就被弃在一旁了。

“一起祈祷的家庭会聚在一起”我告诉他们这个想法很简单。你们都知道孩子不可能用5分钟的时间去精通那些活动，他们需要用很长的时间。如果你只用区区5分钟(或更少) 和你的孩子分享圣言， 你认为可以帮助你和你的孩子认识天主和祂的旨意吗？(例如： 家长对孩子的责任、孩子对家长的责任、对别人的态度及了解违反天主旨意和责任的结果)。 当然不能！俗语说熟能生巧，不只是世俗的事，尤其是信仰相关的事更需要花时间去培育。

很多父母都会承认他们的错误，不过已经太迟了。 国语俗语说：“Nasi sudah jadi bubur。”英语俗语说：“It is no use crying over spilt milk。”我为他们祈祷也叫他们向天主祈求宽恕， 因为他们把他们的孩子推向世俗的事令孩子屈服于世俗的需要，他们的所作所为忽视了他们作为父母对子女的责任，没有把子女教育成为天主的儿女。

因此，家长们。。。你们会怎么做呢？ 请记得，“ 我们现在所忽略的一些小事，在未来会是一个很大的挫折，甚至可能会在精神上伤害我们。”让我觉得可笑及困惑的是，有一些家长要求及期望教会里的信仰教育老师必须更专业地去教导他们的孩子认识信仰，很明显的是这些家长根本是把责任推给别人。 为何身为家长的你们不摒弃漠不关心、‘无所谓’或‘我不管’的懒散态度， 开始履行你们身为家长的本分教育你们的孩子呢？

Do You Know Where You're Going To?

Do we realise what is happening when we sin and refuse or neglect to seek forgiveness through the Sacrament of reconciliation? Consider this... when we sin, it seems as if we are forming a chain of filth and venom around us. As we go along in life, the chain would increase in size, weight and length: a result of as we sin, as we neglect to do what we are supposed to do, as we show indifference towards others, as we fail to do what is right, as we allow laziness and "don't care" or "tidak apa" attitude to fester, and much more.

Soon, the chain begins to suffocate us, wrap our soul with "God-repellent" properties, make us numb towards fear of God, causes us to be drunk in our senses which then makes us unable to differentiate what is right and wrong. Then we may find ourselves imprisoned in sin, seemingly difficult to free ourselves as we may be too ashamed or obstinate or not bothered to seek forgiveness through the Sacrament of reconciliation.

Of course, such a chain can be broken. We can free ourselves from its snares. All it takes is to be humble and promptly, regularly and willingly seek forgiveness through the Sacrament of reconciliation. Just as we find it repugnant to take a bath only once a week, we should be finding it equally repugnant to allow our souls to remain stained in sin for too long.

So ultimately, the ball is in our court. God is merciful, compassionate and patient. He is beckoning us and offering us many chances to return to right relationship with Him and with others. We choose to grow closer to God, or to alienate ourselves from Him. May we not, when the end comes, find ourselves in an unfortunate and terrible situation, where "There will be weeping there, and gnashing of teeth, when you see Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and all the prophets in the kingdom of God, but you yourselves thrown out."

Love Letter to Parents - Matters of Faith

Dear parents and parents to be...

Remember that you are parents to your kids, and that you are fully responsible for bringing up your kids not only in worldly matters, but especially also in spiritual matters. There are times you need to double your efforts and make sacrifices to be with your children to share the Word of God. Spending time on the Word of God with your kids is among the many opportunities you have to show your love of God, and your kids to follow your example.

To spare you the anguish and agony of what may come to pass one day, allow me to enlighten you on something which should be addressed early, so that you can take the necessary steps and precautions to rectify it before it happens to you, since prevention is better than cure.

Every once in a while, I visit families in BECs (Basic Ecclesial Communities( and during other occasions. When I visit some families, elderly couples or single parents are sometimes left alone at home by themselves. I enquire them where are their children? The first thing they proudly talk about is the children's achievements and high status or income; and that many of their children stay overseas, some in other cities, some staying in different affluent or high-society areas.

I ask them do they come and visit? They reply that some of their children only come and visit once a month, some during long holidays, some once a year, some rarely, etc.; and the often heard excuse is that their children are so busy with their worldly lives, that they supposingly have little time for anything else (in Hokkien, "Boh Eng" or 忙碌, 没有閑暇時間 in Mandarin - which is translated as busy, no leisure time). Some of these elderly couples even lament that some or even all their children no longer practice their faith, or hardly go to church, or worse still, have abandoned their faith altogether and even joined some other faith, especially due to marriage.

I smile at them and tell them that you have given or even forced your children with all they need or might need to make their worldly life better in the future (tuition, sports, music), and that they spend hours in such activities in order to master them. But how much time do you and your children spend together with God by sharing the Word of God and participating at Sunday mass? They often say that they all have no time to pray family prayer together, or share the Word of God together, or even get involved in various church activities. Tuition, piano, swimming, dancing lessons, and many other worldly activities seem more important, and some parents are so kiasu (scared or don't want to lose), that they even have the audacity to send their children, in some cases children as young as 2 or 3 years old, for language classes, music classes, or some form of mind enrichment class, with hope and expectation that their children would have a head start in life or be one up over others, and as a result, faith-related activities seem to take a back seat.

I tell them that the idea of the "Family that prays together stay together" is very simple... You know very well that spending 5 mins in activities won't help your kids to master them, that's why they spend hours doing so. Then by spending barely 5 mins (or even less) with your kids to know the Word of God, will it help you or your kids to know God and His commands (such as responsibility of parents to kids, kids to parents, how we treat others, and the consequences of neglecting such commands and responsibilities)? Of course not! Since practice makes perfect, not only when it comes to worldly matters, but especially so in spiritual matters.

Many of them acknowledge their mistake, but by then it's too late. In Malay, "Nasi sudah jadi bubur." In English, Ït is no use crying over spilt milk." I pray for them and ask them to pray and ask for forgiveness from God, for pushing their children until they become accustomed to being slaves or subservient to worldly needs, and in doing so neglect their responsibilities as parents towards their children by bringing them up in Godly ways.

So parents... what would you do? REMEMBER; "little things we neglect now, become our biggest downfall in future, and may even mortally wound us spiritually." I find it amusing and baffling that, some parents demand and expect teachers of Religious Education in our Churches to be so dedicated about guiding their kids in Faith, and such parents themselves merely wash their hands off such an important duty. Why can't you parents cast aside your indifference, "tidak apa" or "don't care" attitude, and laziness, and do what you, as primary educators of your children, are supposed and expected to do?

Self-Denial: Sure or Not

I find it interesting and amusing to observe how some go about practising some form of self-denial, especially when it comes to Fridays, or even the season of Lent. Some seem to think that self-denial merely means that one must abstain from eating meat on Fridays, and they feel very good about themselves for doing so. Some think that self-denial means they must make themselves miserable in different ways, and make all sorts of sacrifices, as if doing such things would appease God. But are these what self-denial is all about? Do we practice self-denial just for the sake of doing it? Are we really practising self-denial, or we actually "gluttons for punishment"?

Now before anyone jumps to the conclusion that I am against self-denial, no I am not. What I am getting at is when we begin to treat self-denial as a form of outward show, or "sandiwara" or "wayang" (Malay words meaning "putting on an act" or "putting on a show"), where we do it merely to get attention, or to appear to be pious or "holy," or even as a form of self-gratification.

So what does self-denial really mean? In Matthew 16:24, Jesus reminds us: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me." What Jesus is telling us is that ultimately, all that we are and all that we do must be not to please ourselves, or to drive our own agenda or interests. Instead, we should be denying anything which is sinful, evil, selfish, self-centred, egoistic, making oneself proud or glorifying oneself. We should be following Christ wholeheartedly and enthusiastically, without terms and conditions. Our efforts should be for the good of all, and for the glory of God. "My way" should give way to "God's way" as our motto in life.

So, when all is said and done, we deny ourselves when we follow Christ with trust, hope, joy and gladness, without fearing the cost, danger and suffering, knowing that He will lead us and guide us closer to Him. Are we willing to cast aside our doubts, our desires, our wants and needs, and let Him be our true providence? Not easy, some may say, but with God, nothing is impossible.

Forgive Us Our Trespasses

Over the years, I have observed how some children play and interact. I noticed that, in quite a number of cases, such children seem to find it so much easier to forgive and move on. For example, I recall some children playing a game. All of a sudden, a quarrel happens and some children walk off in a huff saying, "Hummph! Don't want to friend you!" The funny thing is, after a short while, these children come back together again to play, as if the quarrel or incident that had just happened, had not occurred in the first place, or that it was nothing or not a big deal. Instead of allowing such an incident to boil over, such children were willing to bury the hatchet, so to speak, and move on.

What happens when adults get into a quarrel or even a fight? Are adults able to forgive and move on just like how children do? Quite likely I observe adults finding it tough or even impossible to forgive and move on. Why is this so? It is precisely because some of us have developed a big ego or swelled-up pride as we grew, and together with prejudice and possibly a "kiasu" or "don't want to lose" attitude, we refuse to apologise when we are in the wrong, or refuse to forgive when others have wronged us. Some of us also may have developed low self-esteem, and think that we are the victim and others are the oppressors, causing some to be unable to forgive.

But what did Jesus teach us about forgiveness? Jesus simply taught us that forgiveness is a two-way street. In the Lord's Prayer, we are reminded: "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." Jesus even warned us, "Make every effort to reconcile with your adversary while you are on your way to the magistrate. Otherwise, he may drag you off to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and the officer may throw you into prison. I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the very last penny." (Luke 12:58-59). Also, we are reminded: "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not just seven times, but seventy-seven times!" (Matthew 18:21-22). What this means is that we must learn to forgive others, just as we petition God to forgive us. We cannot expect to only receive forgiveness from God or from others, if we ourselves are stubbornly refusing to forgive.

Of course, it is not easy to forgive, especially when the other has hurt us so bad. But if we recall clearly, Jesus, even on the cross, chose to say, "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do." Some of us may argue: "But Jesus is God, and surely that makes it easy for Him to forgive!" But we must remember that Jesus is also a man, and even in human limitations and weakness, He chose to show us an example by forgiving, instead of remaining hostile, holding grudges, or even keeping the bitterness inside. Jesus shows us that, like children, the issue at hand is actually not a big deal after all. It is we who make what seems to be a molehill, into mountains.

So the question is... are we willing to set aside our pride, prejudice and ego, and learn to forgive? Or have we become so entrenched with anger, insecurity, hatred and fear, that we become so easily hurt and unforgiving? Why do we allow ourselves to be snared or eaten up by unforgiveness, when God is offering us peace, happiness and freedom when we forgive?

Judge Not A Book By Its Cover

I sometimes wonder whether some people are aware of the double standards they practice, especially when they deal with different kinds of people. For example, when they are in the presence of a dignitary or some important person, they behave so pleasantly and sweetly. But when they come across a person who appears to be unkempt, or poor, or dressed in a simple manner, how would they behave? Some may look at such persons with suspicion, or have a haughty attitude, or even behave in a rude and demeaning manner towards the other.

For example, if you see a person who appears to be unkempt or dressed in a simple manner entering the church, would you make it a point to greet the person, or even offer some assistance? Or would you think that such a person has no place inside the church, or even think that such a person is is up to no good? Likewise, if you are a salesperson selling branded goods, and you see such a person browsing through such goods, would you offer your services, come what may, or would you ignore such persons, thinking that they are not worth your time, or even watch such a person closely, thinking that such a person could be a thief?

But the reality is, never judge a book by it's cover. The person you are dealing with may not be what he or she seems to be, since there may be more than meets the eye. A person may appear to be unkempt or even dressed in a simple manner, but sometimes such persons may turn out to be far more important or significant than we perceive through our prejudiced and coloured eyes. In fact, the person may even turn out to be Jesus in disguise.

I remember a story an elderly padre shared with me some years back, of a religious sister being posted to some remote parish in a diocese in some part of Africa. When she arrived, she managed to find her way to the remote parish, with help from some natives, whom she viewed with some apprehension. After putting her bags into her room, she went to present herself to the bishop, whose residence was just a walking distance away from the parish. Upon arriving at the bishop's residence, she came across a gardener near the entrance, and said to him: "hey old man, I am here to see the bishop. Where can I find him?" The gardener looked at her and said: "You want to see the bishop? Just go into the house and wait at the living room. He will meet you shortly." The sister went in and waited, and waited. She was getting pretty impatient, when an old-looking man came into the living room, dressed in full regalia, with mitre, staff and ceremonial attire. The sister was shocked to discover that the "old man" she had spoken to, in a rather rough manner, was in fact the bishop, and she felt embarrassed and sheepish. The bishop just grinned and welcomed her to his diocese, and even offered her some tea.

So the question we need to ponder is this... Are we able to treat everyone equally with compassion, dignity, mercy and love? Or have we allowed our pride, ego and prejudice to colour our vision and thoughts? Are we willing to behave truly as brothers and sisters in Christ, or do we choose to remain biased in our attitude and behaviour?